Top 5 Worst Movies of 2007

I wasn’t going to do this list this year, feeling so good overall about the year in movies. Then this happened, and I figured I might as well. I’ll be force-feeding myself some more 2007 movies in the coming weeks, so there’s a good chance that something else I’ll see would have contended for this list, but I figure at some point you have to accept that you’re either not going to see everything, or you’re never going to make a list (I choose A. On that note, expect my best movies of the year list soon).

More than any other list I write, I must stress that this is the Top 5 Worst Movies of 2007 That I Saw. Some of these are plenty bad, but I’m absolutely certain that I haven’t seen most of the worst movies of the year, as I generally make an effort to avoid bad movies (whereas I am pretty confident that I’ve seen the majority of great movies, so I like that list more). Still, it’s always fun to make fun of stuff, so here we go.

Kill your idols.
5. Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead – As with last year, I lead the list with a highly praised movie from a legendary director. Maybe this will be a tradition of slaying the sacred cows. It’s tough for me when movies like this end up being bad, because I then have to wait a few weeks before I can bring my wife to another movie she hasn’t heard of. So thanks Sidney Lumet.
Review pull quote: “The result is a 2 hour movie that could’ve been half an hour shorter detailing wretchedly horrible people who can’t handle the world’s simplest heist, brought to by the legendary director of Serpico, Dog Day Afternoon, and The Wiz (see people? He is not above reproach!).”

Gay panic humour! Where do these genius come up with this stuff?
4. Blades of Glory – I don’t generally make it a habit of seeing stupid comedies like this one, but I decided to give it a shot, based on my desire to see a lot of my favourite TV actors in a movie and hope for the movie’s ability to make fun of figure skating. I wasn’t expecting anything more than laughs, and didn’t get very many of them. I’m convinced that they don’t even bother scripting Will Ferrell movies, but rather come up with a concept and some set pieces, then let Ferrell riff his way through them. Which works for some, but was near-unbearable for me.
Review pull quote: “It got a few small laughs out of me, but nothing significant enough to distract me from thinking about all the quality movies I passed up the chance at seeing so I could sit there and watch this obvious, moronic, and cynically-unmotivated cross between Zoolander and The Cutting Edge.”

The movie that succeeded in making Jessica Alba ugly.
3. Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer – One reason I tend to miss the worst movies of the year is that I’m not a fan of genres that put out a high percentage of crappy movies. Comic book adaptations are my kryptonite. Sadly, they are usually good for a stinker or two per year (even when I avoid the Ghost Riders of the world). Here’s hoping next year is better, because the sad truth is that the best superhero movie I saw this year was Spider-Man 3. *shudder*
Review pull quote: “Unfortunately, they decided to reduce the amount of fun, while turning the level of dumb up. Way up. Like they had to redesign their amps to go up to 11 to get more dumb out of them.”

Soon, they'll just be able to piece together Shrek movies with footage from older Shrek movies.
2. Shrek the Third – Of all the cynical, lazy sequels to be released this year, none were more cynical or lazier than this one. While watching it, it truly felt like everyone involved in making the movie was disinterested, running through the same old gags, knowing that they’d get their audience no matter what they did. Congratulations, Shrek franchise, for lower the expectations of the next generation of movie watchers.
Review pull quote: “It’s not even so much that Shrek the Third was bad, so much as it was completely devoid of good. Alright, I suppose the animation is good, pretty much up to the standards of the earlier films. But… who cares, really?”

Less than meets the eye.
1. Transformers – Was there any doubt? Well, I guess there was if you hadn’t read my review, so do so if you’re curious as to why I thought this was the absolute worst movie of the year, cause if I re-hash it anymore, I’ll probably just insult people unintentionally. More than I already have.
Review pull quote: “Which is what bothers me so much about Transformers and its popularity, it’s that when the public continues to lower its expectations, then you can bet those who make movies will be listening, and will continue to lower the bar to meet those expectations.

One thought on “Top 5 Worst Movies of 2007

  1. Pingback: Top 5 Worst Movies of 2008 « Critically Speaking

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